Crazy to think my baby boy will be here literally at any moment. I know I’ve said it before, but my pregnancy has seriously flown by and I just cannot believe I’m this close to the finish line. While I’ve been doing my best to prepare mentally + physically, I’d be lying if I didn’t say my nerves sometimes get the best of me. Everyone says I’ll be fine and learn as I go because at the end of the day, no one really knows what they’re doing. But that doesn’t mean that there aren’t a ton of things that I’m worried about. So, with hopes that getting this off my chest will help me feel better, for this month’s 10 things I’m sharing the 10 things I’m most nervous about as I’m becoming a mother for the first time.
1. Not getting enough sleep
It’s a guarantee that with a newborn comes lots of sleepless nights. That’s one of the things keeping me up at night now! I’m the kinda of person who needs sleep, and if I’m being honest… I’m kinda good at it. I usually don’t have any trouble falling asleep, or staying asleep, at night. I often joke that I’m neither a night owl nor an early bird because I don’t like to stay up late and I hate waking up early. So knowing that my sleep will be interrupted several times a night is stressing me out. My husband has offered to find us a night nurse, but I’m also not willing to give up that much control or lose that bonding time with my baby. So I’m planning to suck it up for as long as I can. I just hope I can remember how blessed I am at 4am when I’m running on a couple hours of sleep! Lol
2. Losing connections with friends
There’s going to be someone that needs me 24/7, so naturally my time won’t belong to me anymore. And because of that I’ll have much less time to dedicate to the relationships I’ve spent so much time building. It’s natural, but it really makes me sad. I’m petrified that I’ll lose touch with the people who mean the most to me because what I’ve realized as I’ve gotten older is that one week turns into one month, then into six months and before you know it… an entire year has passed. I’m just afraid of what that will do to neglected friendships. I hope to carve our moments for the people who mean the most to me.
3. Not feeling comfortable in my body
In the last nine months my body has gone through SOO many changes. When I look at myself in the mirror I hardly recognize myself. And I just know that after I give birth even more will be different. I’m so nervous about how I’ll feel about myself + my body. I’ve always prided myself on staying in shape and being healthy and I just know that will be much harder in the coming months. I hope to give myself grace and know that even when it’s easy to be hard on myself, my body has performed a miracle and that alone is worthy of praise.
4. Having to take a step back from my business
The same way that I won’t have as much time to dedicate to people that mean the most to me, I’m afraid that I won’t have as much time to dedicate to the brand + business that I’ve spent the last seven years building. Before I hired my full-time assistant, it wasn’t unheard of for me to spend 13+ hours a day in the HQ working away (and never being “done”). It’s obvious that I won’t have that kind of time to dedicate to SoP anymore. I hope that my brand doesn’t suffer because of it. But that’s why I’ve done my best to build my team with people that are just as passionate about SoP as I am! Hopefully with their help, I’ll still be able to take my brand to the next level.
5. Growing distance within my marriage
I hope I’m wrong, but I just don’t believe that there’s anyway I could lose touch with everyone else around me except my husband. Though he’ll be right here beside me day in and day out, all of my attention + energy will be going toward another person. I’m afraid this will cause distance in our marriage. How will I be able to give him my all when I spend all day giving it to someone else? I’ve heard soo many horror stories of how children have come in between a marriage . There’s literally another person who requires both people’s attention and they forget to also give it to one another. My hope is that our love is able to take the beating that the next year or so will have on it, and that we find nights to sneak away for date nights… and that he continues to send mid-day texts to tell me how great I am and how much he loves me lol. But I think simply having this fear makes me aware of this possibility which means we’ll work to prevent it.
6. The inability to get up + go
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been on the go! I’ve had meetings, practice, groups events, trips, and just about anything in between that stopped me from being able to stay put. And if I’m being completely honest– I LOVE IT! I love feeling involved and needed and I just don’t want that feeling to end. But at the same time, I don’t want my son to be raised by anyone else but me. I want to be around him as much as possible, but I know I’ll still want the ability to leave for Charleston on a Tuesday afternoon. Juggling this is going to be a challenge with a newborn, but it will be nearly impossible when he’s finally made it to grade school because then he won’t be able to go with me. I feel like being on the move has been a part of my identity, so I’m very nervous to see who I’ll become when this gets taken away from me.
7. Constant worrying about his development
All I want is for my son to be happy + healthy (mentally and physically). It’s something that I’ve worried about throughout my pregnancy, and I know I’ll continue to worry about it as he grows and develops. I have no real reason to think like this, but I just can’t help it. I pray to God often and ask for Him to be with our baby and I know there isn’t much else I can do. I just also pray that I won’t be an overbearing mother and that I’m able to allow him to develop at his own pace to the best of his ability– whatever that may be. Of course, I’ll do all that I can to help, but still. I just don’t ever want to be the person who causes him anxiety. The best thing for me to do is to not compare him to anyone and to allow him to be whoever God has chosen him to be.
I’ve made the decision to breastfeed. Not only do I think it’s the healthiest thing for my baby, I think it’s a bonding opportunity that I’d love to experience. However, I know it’s not for everyone (physically or mentally), so I hope to give myself grace on this as well. What makes me the most nervous is that I might being able to do it at all and that I will take it very personally. But then if I am able to nurse, I’m afraid of how it will interfere with my day to day life… like what if I just start leaking in the middle of the grocery store?! How am I not supposed to feel incredibly uncomfortable about that? I think this is one of those bridges I’ll have to cross once I get there, but it really is something that scares me.
9. Physical pain from labor
Labor is another thing that makes me very nervous! Thanks to the fact that I was pregnant during Covid, I’ve missed out on a lot.. including in-person classes that help prepare me for labor (such as lamaze classes). I’ve had several people go over what to expect during that very magical time, but I just still don’t feel ready. I’m also SUCH a baby when it comes to pain. I know there’s no way I’m going to get through birthing an entire human being without feeling it. I’m also nervous about how uncomfortable I’ll be for the weeks afterwards. I don’t know that there’s anything I can do to prepare for this– so if anyone has some tips please send them my way!!
10. Postpartum Depression
This is something that I’ve heard a lot about, but no one talks about how to prevent it, or more importantly what to do when you actually have it. I’ve always been a super emotional person, so I just feel like there’s a good chance that this could be something I could have to deal with (I’m no doctor so obviously I don’t know for sure) and it just really frightens me. I hope if it is something I experience, it’s something that I or the people close to me can diagnose quickly and that those around me can help me through it. But most importantly, I just want to be able to enjoy motherhood and this experience and I don’t want anything to come in the way of that.